someone ask me a question today... i think for a while... and i realise i don't really know the answer... for once i am stunned... a question that i always i could answer... but now i don't know why... if my answer is yes... does that mean i chose to give up or if my answer is no... does that mean i still want to continue my unrealistc dream...i dont wish to answer the question, i neither want to give up nor continue my unrealistic dream... i agree that i am quite greedy... so i simply ans a dont know to the person who ask me the question... silly, the only word that i would describe myself now... i seem to be in the middle of no where, searching for the way out... but no matter how hard i try... i am still lost... finding no way out... hoping there will be someone that could lead me out of this place... but how silly am i... who will be there for me...

kind of tired putting up a smile on my face even though deep in my heart, i was crying silently... but so what... i still have to act on... so as not to make others worry...

i will have lot of things to think about tonight... hopefully i will come to the conclusion before sunrise... but think is impossible....


it is a nice song... depned on how you listen to it...
海的思念绵延不绝 终于和天 在地平线交会
爱如果走得够远 应该也会跟辛福相见

承诺常常很像蝴蝶 美丽的飞 盘旋然后不见
但我相信你给我的誓言 就像一定会来的春天

我始终带着你爱的微笑 一路上寻找我遗失的美好
不小心当泪滑嘴角 就用你握过的手抹掉

再多的风景也从不停靠 只一心寻找我遗失的美好
有的人说不清哪里好 但就是谁都替代不了

在最开始的那一秒 有些事早已经注定要到老
虽然命运爱开玩笑 真心会和真心遇到

end of my chinese new year holiday.... tomorrow got to wake up early to chase after my bus for school... hahaz.. just finish my whole bunch of homework given by my teacher... some don't know how to do... but don't care... tomorrow then ask teacher... hahaz... today actually thought of going out... but ended up staying at home doing homework... there gone of sunday... lolx... but anyway also no where and no one to go out with... so stay at home... somehow feel like staying at home so good... already very long time never whole day stay at home without stepping out of the house already... pass few week haven been out for school adn tuition for the whole 7 days in a week... wonder how long i cant take... -sigh- i think it will only end after my o level... =( ... forget about those thing... say about happy thing... hmz... let me think... nothing much today... only eat, sleep, watch television, do homework and sms people... then nothing else already.... what a realxing day... don't need to see the face of the tuition teacher and answer lots of question from him... hahax... kinda of feeling like watching movies... hahaz... anyone keen in watching one? haha... interested please call 9******* hahaz... lolx... *yaWn* kinda tired... happy chinese new year day 4~ =

where are you... i have been searching for you... hopping to see you again... but how silly am i... will u just appear before me as i wish... so what if u really did... you will hoping the ones in your heart to appear too... that person may not be me... how silly am i... some people just fade away from one heart easily but some may not... they will always stay in your heart no matter how hard u try to forget them... it had already been 10 months since i first saw him... and i wonder when i will meet him again.. in my dream... my unrealistic dream.... who knows... happy new year to you...

have a fun day today... First meet up with sn and by they two to Mr gui house... later the rest of my classmates also went to Mr gui house... have lots of fun there... of course we also get ang bao (red packet) from the "principal" ( mR gui mother) lolx... after that we visit KH house.. his house real big ... haha... then her mother also prepare steamboat for us... haha... the guy very crazy one... kept asking for abalone ... like never eat before... then all of us finish the whole plate of abalone... lolz... we at KH still eat a lot "ba gua"... hahaz... his mother still ask us to drink red wine ( lolx we are still underage!!) but still everyone of us taste it... but... it is so bitter.... lolz... but quite nice also... after that we went to top floor to play... some of them gamble( of course with money one) lolx... then the rest of us play other games... but the forfeit is to drink beer... we end up drinking garlsberg and guiness.... but is just a little bit...kinda think we arent that innocent after all... lolx... but afterall it is fun... get to taste how the beer the wine taste like... first time drink these beer other than jolly sandy?... lolz... but still prefer jolly sandy.... lolx... but definetly... my classmate are all really good people... just a little bit crazy sometime... lolx... dun think people drink or gamble are bad people... afterall we only drink beer once... under parent consent... .lolx.... =) got a little headache now... maybe not use to the wine... got to stop here... =)

HaPpy 2Nd Of MoNkeY ChiNesE nEw Year~~.... so fast 2nd day already... didnt recicver much ang pao( red packets) *sOb*sOb* but aso not bad... better then nothing.. yesterday went to my grandpa house... saw lot of relatives and cousins... hahaz... now then realise my cousin all grow so handsome... lolx... really... so long never saw them already... all change to so handsome... even my small cousin... but older one better... so cool... hahaz... too bad... no used to talk to them... haha... wait till next year chinese new year or whoever wedding then can see them again... =) back to today... went to haw par villa with my parent today... but too bad... heaven no on our side... not long after we reach there... it rain... so we ended up taking only a few photos... haha... but nevermind, we decide to go back there some other days... after that we went to habour there to eat our lunch... or rather tea break... hahaz... later gonna have my 3rd day of steamboat... yummy yuMMy... gONna urN fAt aFteR new Year... lolX... TomOrrow wiLL gO To mR gUi HouSe... LoLx... sO Fun NevR bEEn To A TeAcHer HoUSe BeForE.. AftEr That MayBE go oUt Have Fun With My FRiEnds.. Then MEeT up WiTh mY pAreNt To go See thE " hE pan"... so HaPPy... bUt... mY hoMeWorK StiLl HAVen Do yEt...-SiGh- =\

why do i have to be always the ones that give in to other. they can show their anger but why cant i.. they can be angry, me too... i am human too... i wont try to give in anymore to anyone if i think i am not in any wrong... thats me... i dont care whether others like it or not... i will just be myself... i will just follow what my feeling will lead me to. i get tired of always being the one that give in... the ones that always put on a smile though i feel like crying at that moments. i always thought that i could always put on that mask and live with it forever.. always as cheerful as other might think... but i suddenly feel a sense of emptiness in me... what has i been doin all these while... acting as a clown??
again Chinese new year celebration ended ... not in our expectation... we got in second for the Chinese new year singing competition this is the 2nd time we got it... hope next year they will get it too... saw lots of people back school today... saw E too... as usual... so cute, so handsome and so attractive... some sort of golden colour hair (which suit him perfectly) with a black tee-shirt ( which i saw him wear for a few time) and a pair of long jeans? but some sort look like pajamas type... but look nice on him too... hope there will be more celebration coming so taht i could see E again... lolx..

whoa... 8 days never been blogging here... lolx... today have lesson until 3:15 so tired... have 3 test in a day... lolx... almost make me dead... hmz... spend the remaining of the day shopping around and do my last minutes shopping for Chinese new year... haha... pierce my ears today... finally i did it... actually dont really feel like doing it as i scare pain ... but my friend just push me in then say no pain... but gonna kill them... it hurts!!... they bluff me... *soB*sOb*... hmz... but at least next time i wont have to do it again... spend nearly $50 for only 1 pair of 3/4 jeans and shirt.. -sigh- spend money is always easier than to save money... tomorrow still got Chinese new year song competition at school... hope we can get into 1st 2nd or 3rd again... like last year ... or better than last year... haha... got to pack for tomorrow school... so happy tomorrow can eat reunion dinner.... steamboat... yummy yummy!!... haha

another day at school... did nothing much but day dreaming today... kinda get easily tired nowadays... *yawn*... suddenly feel like having some peace myself... just myself... there somehow a lot of people around me... whenever i go, there will be people beside me... me just want to be alone for a while... or to be with someone special... but not always be with my friends..., if not i could rather be to myself... i sound like some lonesome people... but i just appreciate the serenity of the environment... i feel good to be alone... at least there no one i need to put an act in front of... i could just be myself... my very ownself... dont need to care about anything... go anywhere i want to go and stay at that place as long as i like... dont need to worry about other where they want to go or what... that why... i like to be alone... since young?... i dont know... kind of lost my sense of direction nowadays... dont since to have any aim in going anywhere... just walk without an aim... just hoping i could met that special one... even there is only 0.01 % of chance...
tomorrow still got Q(A) test... -sigh-
even there is only 0.01 % of chance that i could met him... i still dont feel like giving up.... i could try all my best just to saw him... it doesn't matter even it is just only a sec...... but it is just my dreamz... will this unreality dream ever come true...

another day has gone... basically do nothing much today... early in the morning 9:30 have my physics tuition until 12:30 like that... than spend the rest of my time walking to parkway to have my lunch then for my a math lesson at 3:00 until 4:30... haha... after that spend the rest of the time shop around parkway with vien... dont really have much time nowadays to shop... only left sun... shop at parkway... lolx... today i realise something while waiting for my friend to reach... nowadays, a lot of Singaporean have maid at home, it is good as it show that the economic in Singapore is still not that bad... but does that mean that the employer has the right to scold the maid?? i saw one today... i dont see anything wrong in the maid washing thing for the employer, but the employer just scolded at her and scold her being busybody to wash that thing again... but there is no wrong to wash that whatever thing again right... just dont get their mind... =\ alright spend my day at parkway... saw ju-no on the television... it seem nice.... haha... i kinda into horror movies...lolx... wanna watch ju-no 2 ... but still waiting for someone to accompany me go... so anyone into watching ju-no... just tell me ok? hahaz... ok... enough of that... go to sleep... tomorrow still need to go to school... -sigh-
i have been thinking all these while... but i dont exactly what i am thinking of... can anyone light up my path ahead... then at least i know where i should head for...

hie... my second posting for today... hahaz.. really enjoy myself today... early in the morning went to school for cca... the NCOs did very fun and silly... cannot say what we do... if not out head will roll on the ground... lolx... just back from Chinatown... went to to see the cracker, but in the end end up seeing the firework.... haha... went to the rooftop of the people park complex... thought can see the cracker one... but who know... so many people there... so can only see the reflection of it... but the most interesting part is the firework... all the equipments are just next to us... about 4-5 km away?... not really sure... haha... but really nice... and surprise... haha... the firework suddenly shoot up, scare all of us ... the building like going to collapse like that... hahaz... it was loud too... lolx... but nice... the firework was just above my head... the scenery, atmosphere and feeling i have is beyond words. too bad i never bring camera if not i saw capture lot of picture... haha other than national day, this is the first time i saw a real firework ... the feeling is still the same as i first saw firework at national day... it was nice... must go there and feel it for yourself then will know... *yAwN* although very nice, but i exchange it with 3 hrs of standing and waiting... so tired... tomorrow morning still got physics tuition.. then in the afternoon still got a math tuition... -sigh-...
posted by beyond what you think at 10:30 PM

8 of march should be the day when i first saw him. the first impression he give me was that what is in this guy head... chasing the chicken all over the place... while he was giving a test...somemore he is suppose to be a leader for us to learn... hahaz... but overall... he can be classified as a guy that is cute, funny, a real joker... and serious too... think back... today is the 9 months and 26 days since i first saw him, time really passed by really fast, just a wink, it is already the 9 month and 26 days, and of course my impression of him change.... he was cute, funny and a real joker... that was truth... but i also realise he quite emotional and devoted to... something... but that what i feel and think... might not be truth... afterall i dont understand and will never understand......
i want to buried my emotional and feeling deep into to ground and never ever want anyone to dig it out... but who will promise me that no one will try to dig it out, or even promised that i wont try to... same as the wound... even someone say that wound will heal in a matter of time... but will anyone really promised that it will definitely heal even if i choose not to let it heal... like a tree grow in the soil, one day when it was be pull out from the soil, if will definitely left a hole a hole that maybe only that same tree can fit into it and no other... everyone will be thinking of that... so he will only be waiting for the same old tree to be back to fill up his hole, but he never think that the tree is already planted in another soil, a soil that provide water nutrient and everything for it. the soil will then be alone, always waiting for the old tree to be back, while the old tree is growing well in her own new soil...
haha... sound like what tree and soil stories...

whoa... i have stepped into a new year.... that what i expected.. *breath in* breath out*... the air was... was... still the same... hahaz.. yarh... today is my last day of freedom, tomorrow got to go back to school, not really miss school nowadays compare to when i was back in sec 1, 2 or 3. time really passed by very fast.. tomorrow i will be a sec 4 student... and my last year of secondary school life.. that also mean that i am older... *sob*sob* ok enough of my nonsense.. oh yarh... before i forget.. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2004!!~!!~!! alright time for me to think of my new year resolution... hmz... what will it be... let me think... changes... yah... that it... changes... i gonna change~ alright that will be my new year resolution. new beginning of the year, that mean new beginning of everything... alright here that goes for my other resolution or rather you can say it wishlist...
1) Save money... hmz... at least $10 a week?
2) Study hard( Os level coming soon~~)
3) Get a digital cam ( that what i have been waiting and saving for..)
4)good result in exam and test...
5) hope Os level faster finish... and Passed it with good result...
6) have more "angbao" money.( that will help in my saving) =)
7) able to have more sleep..
8) Good health for my family, friends and me...
9) hope they strike any Toto or 4D ( hahaz... cause i cant buy any yet)
10) stay happy always... smilez~
hmz... that should be my new year resolution for the time being... =) happy new year and happy school opening... =)
he still could not forget her, think of her always, i perhaps... always there by her side even there is already one in her heart...he dont mind... although wounds would be heal as time passed by, but he choose not to, he choose wounds that would never heal, he choose to let it always remained as an open wound, but not to let it heal... no he still could not forget her, perhaps i should be the ones to forget...