棒棒堂
hahas.... new band i think.... 6 guys band... hahas... quite cute ehs... lols


楊奇煜(小煜)


阿緯



hahas... sianx....lols
小煜,阿緯 so nice!!! hahas... so cuteeee =P

-sigh- cant concentrate on my studies at all... next week gonna exam le.. yet i am still here day dreaming... didnt get anything into my head at all... haix... just cant concentrate at all... keep thinking about thing that i shouldnt be thinking at all... can pls just let me stop all these thinking le mah!!!! i wanna stop!!!! the feeling is damn no good lo.... i wanna cry it all out... but once i start i dunno how to stop...i dun wan that to happen... why is that so that when i need someone to be there for me.. there isnt... i dun even have a listening ear there for me...how pathetic am i? what can i do just to make me stop thinking... just to make myself feel better? what can i do? how i wish there a medicine that will let me forget everything...haha isnt tt good? i wont rem anything anyone..., afterall there isnt anything worth to remember except my family... right? well... i dun really wish to be influence by anyone anymore... i wan to lead my own life... had alot of regretful in the past...done a lot of things that i shouldnt be doing at all... looking back... i am really so regret... nobody knows all those things... and i shall just kept it all by myself... i dun wan anything to repeat its history again... never!!! i wan to lead my own life... i wan to be happy..... but can i?

another new beginning of day... hahas... or already half way thru le... lol.. today is chinese new year day 4... did nothing much... gonna start my markerting revison le... hahas... if not sure gonna flunk all my exam paper next week.. >.< haix... jiayou jiayou bahs...!!!

yesterday went to river angbao with ssk and eddie... actually is meet with ssk and daphne de... den daphne last min her dad ask her to go pray den cannot haix... den she call me tt time i was already on bus le... haha... wad to do... den went ahead with 2 guys lo... >.<... okie la.. the river angbao still okie la... alot of ppl sia... den... not really much ehs? hahas.. okie la... den around 10+ went home lo~

i just dunno why... the more i wanna let go... the more i think of it... although is only pass few days like 4 days like tt only i never heard frm him, it seems like a long time.. but i got to endure... cause i dun wanna carry on life like this anymore... dun wan... he dun treasure it... and why should i? HUMPH!!! ya that it... dun think abt it le larhs... exam more important!!! if he still treat me as a friend ... den sonner or later he will contact me bahs... leave that to fate bahs... =D

omg... i am so hungry now... just wake up only den hungry le... pig year i really become piggie le... omg~!! hees... who cares.... eat first... den after that den go exercise lo... lalala.. =P

歌曲：我很想爱他
歌手：twins
作词:何启弘


天空下起雨了
他撑的伞
在你的身边陪着

可是我不快乐
因为看见
他脸上的笑
是很勉强的

我很想爱他
但是眼睛在说谎
隐瞒比较容易吧
免得感情变得复杂

我很想爱他
但是理智在吵架
退出可以解围吗
谁能给我一个好的回答

爱情是模糊的
可怜的是
没有勇气选择
如果再舍不得
这样下去
我们每个人
都是受害者

当爱情陷在危险边缘
是否都会伤痕累累
是否都会苦不堪言
爱情教会我们都放不下

today is 年 初 二 。 did nth much today... wake up in the morning den watch tv den after that had steamboat again... hahas... finally got some photo of it... when i free den i post up bahs... now lazy... hmmm... den after that fall asleep in the sofa... omg... really become xiao zhu le me... xP hahas... den wake up at 7pm like that den eat again... hahas... had steamboat at 9pm like tt again... lols... didnt eat alot... but not very little also... wahh... gonna grow fat le... sobs...sobss....

hmmm... dun really know wat to blog also le...there a lot of thing in my mind... but sometimes thing are really hard to say or write it now... i personally know how i feel and know what i have to do... although is not what i wanna do... but no choice i had to ... maybe something was once mine in the past.. but is not mine now... and most probably not mine in the future... and whether how i gonna do with it...i knew it the best... there no need for me to blog in here to... cause i knew maybe once in a blue moon somemore may see my blog... so just not to confused everything deeper... i will just keep it to myself... is hard for me... but xiaoojin is strong de wor... xiaoojin 加 油 加 油 ！ ！ =)

If time can be like an hour glass, I'll keep this beautiful memories in the glass. Flip it over and over again...

lalala... found this when i pack my room... hahas... so call a poem done my my sec 1 science teacher when we do our science exam... i could still rem wor...lol... that it goes..

some people full of zest
because they are the best
they recieve their marks with jest

some ppl detest, and loudly protest
they think LCS is a pest
in test, they guess and make a mess!
SOS they send in distress

a time for lcs to rest
and know who got more who got less
during marking he get stress
knowing who's the best
he will scold the rest..

28/3/2001 Lee Cheng Soon

lonely day again... how long more will it be... -sigh- wadever bahs.. walk one step see one step!! =D

yeppie... today is chinese new year ... the first day of the pig year!!! a brand new year... everything should start off well for me okie?? pray pray... hahas... as usual went to my grandpa house to bai nian (拜年) just that this year we went a bit late... cause daddy still have to work... reach there around 5 like that... den stay till 7 like tt den go le... cause daddy tml still have to work... wad to do... the stupid company dun give him off... rawr!! hahas... nvm larhs... have steamboat again at grandpa house... saw lot of relative also ... hahas... see them only once in a year sia... >.< hahas... so happy to heard from them that i become slimer and prettier and more femine le.. hahas... jiayou jiayou... >.< that makes my day sia... =D

yesterday had steamboat with my family memeber and sis boyfriend at home... wanna take photo of those food de... but who know this piggy me.. see food den forget eveything le... eat finish le... den realise... then mum already packing up!!! arhh!!! sobs!! think i will be having another steamboat tml or wat de... thi time round i must rem to take photo le...

hahas... this year didnt collect a lot of ang bao.. cause daddy working ... sobs... so any good hearted people wan give me??hahas

finally decide to put down my personal thingy le... feel much much lighter sia.. dun wanna try or goes against anything anymore... getting real tired... so well.... i am happy with my life right now... but a bit lonely... but i know u guys will keep me company de right...?? hahas...

k la... dun blog liaox.... 新 年 快 乐。 。 。 恭 喜 发 财 。 。 。 猪 年 行 大 运 ！ ！

today is cny eve le... time pass so fast... wake up by my mum early in the morning le... hahas...nvm larhs... also dunno how i fell asleep yesterday de... =) wake up le den change my bed sheet... it is an orange colour one!!! yeppiE!!! so nice!! hahas.. den help to change my parent and sis's bed sheet also...in together change 4 bed lo.. 2 king size de lorhs... omg... hahas..so proud of myself.. hees... den after that help to wash those bed sheet and sofa sheet... hahas.. first time using washing machine sia... manage to wash finish le and i am here resting abit... hahas... mum cook curry and 5 spices to eat... later still got steamboat... yeppie.. hahas... shall update photos later... lalas... omg....my hand dunno become dunno wat le.. =( happy chinese new year eve anyway... =)





it seems that we got nth much to say anymore le.. is it that way?

4 days never blog anything le... have been quite busy these few days... damn wear out now.. had my sssd lab presentation or rather Q&A on the wed, then follow by CMSK3 Presentation on thurs and lastly i had my Economics main examination today... damn shagged lo... wed after the presentation, were discussing about our major project grouping... well... had quite a number of this and that... but finally everything has been grouped... well i am quite okie with it...just hope everything goes well.... den after the discussing reach home already 7+pm le... hahas... haven even started on my studies on economic lorhs... but really too tired le... thus i went to sleep... wanted to wake up at 12am to study de ... but whos know... i so pig lorhs... haas... till 3am like tt den i finally wake myself up... but also didnt study much... cause keep falling asleep half way thru... hahas... wat to do... gonna flunk my paper le... just be it sia...

den after that went home after my econ paper... rest for a while den meet xuan again... hahas she acc me to bugis to collect my shorts... den shop again.. hahas... i spent lots of money again... >.< hahas... once again... almost late for marketing lorhs... bugis was really packed with people lorhs... den the queue for the taxi was like.. woah... hahas... manage to hop into a cab... but the uncle was like taking us one big round lorhs... i was going to tp... den he walk till expo there... rawr... but think he know we rush for time.. so he drive quite fast also... forgive him bahs... hahas

marketing lesson was fast today... just a review of our project... hahas... and we were de first grp... so was like 1/2 hr den can go le lorhs... den after that went with jos to tm to eat mos burger... hahas... finally i get to eat the fries... bugis de mos burger the fries out of stock lo... WTH!!! but then nvm... den after that home sweet home le... hahas... so tired lorhs...

well... was rather busy these few days till that i dun even have the time to think about my own personal thing...did msg him the day before... he say he got msg me in the morning...but dunno why i just never recieved... wat to do... was really sad... but cant tell him right? he seems to dun care dun care also... so i dun wan to say much also le... just say that dun wan disturb him le... hahas... den he really never reply le... hmm... dunno wat le larhs... den till now... didnt msg him nor did he msg me... well maybe that the way bahs... well is thinking of giving myself one last chance...but still considering larhs.. see how it goes bahs... maybe i should really consider in giving up... since he already do so ehs?

well... kind of contented with my life now... dun give me more prob anymore... had enough le... just let me have all the happiness for the start of pig year... anyway happy chinese new year's eve's eve!!! ^^

think quite a lot today..or ever since yesterday...perhaps i shall just let go everything... cause i know i can never change anything, everything will just remained the same... everything is just my wishful thinking...his words, his action already make it so clear... everyhting he say is already so obvious...like going out with other ger ar...den the person he hope that will wish him happi bday never wish ar... all these and that... i should already get that hint... is so obvious le.. nth can be that obvious anymore le bahs... maybe this time round i should really let go...i dunno how he think right now...but nevermind larhs... it wont be any good news to me anyway...i should be able to guess how he feel bahs... although sometime his words are kind of misleading...but think he doesnt mean that... just that i anyhow think... but what to do? i also dunno how come i will behave like this... whatever bahs...judt dun care abt me...i also dunno whats wrong with me le... everything seems so wrong...think this time round really need to take alot of time to think le...

i will give up...really... but not immediately... i need time... but i really hope that someone will prove to me my thinking now is wrong...my thinking that i mean nth to him... but... that not possible le bahs..noone can ever ans this qns... except him... but i dun want to ask also... just be it...

might be MIA for a while after the main exam ...yah... wadever

girl 每当我开始沉默的时候
你比我更难过好像你的错
girl 每当我梦想未来的时候
你兴奋的感受比我还要多
轻柔像阵微风吹过我的心中
一切都会不同透过了你的眼
情人爱却更多虚情假意的话不说
只用一颗真心默默爱我最珍贵的感动尽在不言中

girl 我不是故意对你冷落
大部份的时候我不够温柔
girl 我强烈感到时间不够
想牵着你的手对抗寂寞
轻柔像阵微风让我从容不迫
一切都会不同有了你在身边


我唯一的情人爱却更多虚情假意的话不说
只用一颗真心默默爱我最珍贵的感动 my love

情人爱却更多开始就要爱到最后
於是你我真心越来越浓最珍贵的感动藏在我心中

is sunday again... just wake not long ago... actually... wake up quite early... but dunno what im thinking la... just lie on the bed think this think tat de... actually i dunno really know what i want also le... actually tot that i could just let go or put it aside first... but wadever shit larh...i dunno why i still being bother by that...

i dunno whether if he ever know how i feel larhs... i know he going out with ger on cny eve la... but dun need to keep repeating de right... i try very hard to act as if i dun care le...wad can i do right? im just a friend... i have no right to say anything else...so dun tell me those detail like wat going for movie den send her home all these thing... save those detail for urself la... i dun wan to know... can u just be sensitive abit about how i feel...is hard for me to continue to talk after u talk abt another ger or wat... i try very hard le okie?

wadever shit i say to myself that wat put aside larh... let go larhs... wadever la... i say it i cant do it... i damn ought to be slap!!! well... wat good for him got ppl to go out with larhs...wat know more ger good larhs... hahas... wat de hell am talking about... i knew i dun wan to say all these... but wat can i say?i dun want to say all these thing... but i need to say it... that the only way to show that i dun care right... i cant possible say out what i wanna say... that will only make everything more worst...

will be going on a holiday during march...never mention to anyone before... so i wont be telling anyone here where and when i will be going also...maybe after the trip i will feel better...-sigh-

well... went out with seng kwang and huiming today... hahas... long time never meet them le wor... went k box with them den after that head toward bugis for steamboat... omg... i am sooo full... put on weight again le... ARG!!! hahas... no choice... blame me for so greedy... xP den after went to shop at marina square... they bought quite a number of things... but i didnt even bought anything... sad.... sobss..... i still need to buy a bag, jacket,jeans... and maybe shirt... if i eye on any la... hahas... well... shall shop again another day... well... tired man... shall blag another time...

hahas... fell in love with this song recently...

蔡旻佑-我可以

寄没有地址的信
这样的情绪有种距离
你放着谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情
能不能说给我听
雨下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景有我爱你
我可以陪你去看星星
不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起
我不想又再一次和你分离
我多么想每一次的美丽
是因为你
幸福它真的不容易

finally clear all my assignment already... really a mad rush week for me... finally strike out the sssd assignment on my list... still left with presentation all these stuff den i will have to prepare for my main examination le...

dun really know if all these rush is good... it's draining me more than expected... maybe i shall try to do things earlier...i shall TRY next time... but most probably it will end up the same....

well... everyone seems to already have plan on valentine and CNY eve... only me left so unplanned... hahas... wad to do... everyone has their own stuff to do le... most probably i will just rot at home bahs... or any nice good soul wanna acc me? hahas...well... anything larhs... dun feel like going out alone also... so so so... rot at home bahs... =D boring festival indeed... lalalala...

well .... think i gonna get back to see my show..

I AM GETTING MAD

OVER SSSD ASSIGNMENT!!!!!!!!!!!

i am never ever good at coding... not now... not in the future... argg!!!!!

MAD ALREADY LE LARHS..... I DUNNO WHAT I AM DOING.... T_T

STUCK AT EXCEPTION HANDLING.... WAT ERROR AM I GONNA CHECK... OMG..... GO SLEEP FIRST BAHS

days as usual... went to sch... den after school went bugis with xuan,eve and jos... bought 3 shirts 1 skirt and 1 belt... well... almost spend till 100 bucks... haix...wanted look for a jeans de... but didnt find any... still need to look for shoe... maybe tml go search again bahs...

i still haven touch my sssd assignment yet... haix... dunno how and dun have the mood to do... really gonna die le me... well... fri need to submit le... -sigh-

well... also dunno why...already say that i wanna put my personal thing aside le.. but just dunno why keep thinking of him... stopped myself from smsing to him today, did manage to do so till now... but every now and then i will take out my hp and see if there any msg from him... rawr... why am i like this?? haix... still will miss him... but what to do? wadever la.. dunch wanna think too much le...

i am damn tired these few days... nth much for me to do... but just tired...maybe i always keep myself busy all the while bahs... my brain didnt stopped thinking at all...except when i really fell asleep.... lalalalaaaaaaaa............... i dunno wat to do le larhs.... RAWR!!!!!

nothing much to blog today... nth much happen today also... just go sch den back home... boring life ehs?... hmmm i think today should be my last day of dreaming le... i must wake up le... *slap*slap*... though i know i cant fully let go... but just put everything aside le bahs... i dun wanna be bother abt that anymore... i shall lead my life as usual... yah.. just everything just put aside...today shall just mark the day...

gonna be quite busy for the rest of the month till march den i will be at least free... hmmm got quite a number of presentation to prepare for and assignment to hand in... well... den after CNY will be the main examination... haix... gonna be quite busy month for me le... GO!!GO!!GO!!! stuck at my sssd assignment now le... haix... wadever.. dunch care.. go sleep le...

and yah... before i forget...

hApPy bIrThDaY tO da zHu~

calvi~

... one year older lo... hahas...well... hope everything goes well to you... stay happy always!! ^^

get rather moody when on the way home on bus... maybe because i am all alone bahs... have been thinking thru the journey home from orchard... suddenly feel that i am so alone... went shopping with few of my friends... see them 2 by 2 de... i also dunno why but just feel sad... sometimes i just need a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold on to...someone to talk to... and someone there for me when i need it... just tt simple... but i just cant find... the feeling i have now is just beyond words...

although i know that i got quite a number of problems to solve... and maybe simply give up might solve all the things... but i dun wan...and i cant...maybe i just fall too deep in le...that i cant even control myself anymore... although i know is not possible now... too many problems around us..but i just cant stop myself from thinking abt him... every single now and then, i would just look at my hp hoping to see his msg or wat de... i dunno why i become like this... i hate myself for behaving like this, but what can i do?? i wan to treat him just like a friend... but why is it so difficult? have been missing him all the times... but is like we are difting further and further... maybe is better this way bahs... he can just concentrate on his 2 prob and choose between them... im not joining in to complex anything... or maybe i wont make much different to it too... i am just insignificant compare to them...

my mind is really in a mess now... i tot i can treat him just like a friend.. but why is it so difficult...i cannot stopped thinking about him, even a single msg from him could just make me happy or sad for the rest of the day... and is like getting colder each there... why cant he treat me better,nicer... last time almost everyday get to talk... but hardly get to talk to him nowadays... busy and busy is all he say... maybe i am just asking too much... he is not my who... in what position am i suppose to ask him to call me every now and den... WAKE UP PLS!!!!! DUN DREAM ANYMORE!!! WATHEVER U HOPE WONT COME TRUE!! wont come true... xiaoojin... you know everything wont come true... why are u still so silly... waiting for something that wont come true...why?

dunno why nowadays like to cry so much... just cant control... stupid me...

met him just now to pass him his birthday present...just for a while only... actually wanted to stay a little longer ... but he already say le need to go home.. so yah... think i shouldnt have this thinking at all... everything is different... but just dunno why just feel sad... maybe as what i had say... i just fall too deep in... till i cant even control myself already.

just dunno why i act so stubbornly this time... for the past few relationships, i will feel hurt, i will feel sad...but just for a while only...cause i know they are not worth for me to be sad over... i can easily give up, easily let go... but not this time round...this is the 2nd relationship that i seriously treat it... really seriously... thru all the r/s i had... i learnt how to treasure, how to appreciate the other ones.i agree that i was once unreasonable, or maybe now still unreasonable, bad tempered etc etc...i also dunno how to explain why i will react this way, esp toward my another one. i am very easy-going with all my friends... cause i dun have any expectation from them, but not to my another ones...i expect he can treat me seriously(who will wan just a play-play r/s),treat me nice,be there when i need him... just that simple... but normally simple thing are just hard to find...actually i dun expect much from him... or i cant expect much from him too le...i will just take a step at a time and see what lies in the future bahs... no one will know wat will happen in the future...but i know that no matter what i just cant let go... stupid me right.. so i will just have to keep myself busy to forget everything... there a lot of thing in my mind that i could only pour it here...i could not tell him... i know it will only make everything worst... at least now i still can decieve myself to talk to him like a friend, although it hurts sometimes... but i still feel a bit happier to hear his voice... i damn dumb dumb la..but wat to do?

might be going oversea during march.. not confirm yet...if not going i might just get a job and keep myself busy all the time... if going... will get a job too after i back from oversea... just wanna keep myself busy to stop myself from anyhow think...maybe this is a better way bahs...running away from reality...

maybe time is all what we need now...and maybe is better that he never choose me... i am just not good...damn not good... not worth at all...i am just not worth for anyone...


just wonder that if i suddenly just vanish... would anyone worry and care abt me?.. will he worry abt me, will he search for me? impossible right? suddenly think of zhiwei again... till now i still dunno why he commit sucuide... just so suddenly...just over a night everything changes... is already 4 yr ago thingy le...memories still linger in our mind... give a thought about it... if we show more care and concern toward him... treasure him more as a friend and classmate... maybe he could just share his prob and he wont choose that irrevisible path... but wadever say cant be change now... i really learnt a lot ... if u love, care abt someone... tell him/her... cause no one will know what will happen in the future...dun think too much, dun be scare that u might make a wrong choice and hurt that person, treasure everything before you... dun regret only when u really lost that someone... make up ur mind on wat u really wan... ur heart should already know what you want... just depend on whether u wan to accept or not...

i already know what i really want... but nevermind... i wont say it again... cause i already try it before... i will just keep it to myself... just dun wanna make thing more complicated... hmmm... maybe everything is simple to him... just that i think till too complicated....

have been feeling better these 2 days... hmmm maybe because of some reason bahs... got to know something that i wan to know for a long time... at least i know the reason... although nth change much... but is like...the knot in me is slightly losser a bit...yah...den is really great to know that the thing that he say that day is not from his heart.. really happy abt that...

still got a few sch thing on hand to be complete... but just not in that mood.. i also dunno why... rawr!!! got to buck up a bit le... exam coming soon all these... den soon goona go for attachment.... everything seems to pass by so fast... rawr.... that means i getting old soon le... hahas...

hmmm... think that i should learn to try to get dress up abit le... hahas... family has been complainin since young that i act and dress so like ah boi... hahas.. must change ehs? slowly bahs... take a step at a time.. surely will change de .. but not over a night... hahas..

okie okie... gonna get back to see my jue dui superstar final.!! ciao~

finally...is friday.... finally...at least can relax abit le... just handed in marketing assignment...monday still got sads lab test and follow by sssd assignment to hand in... really getting mad over my school work... and my personal problem too... haix... ARGG!!!!!

school work i will just put aside first bahs... just relax for today first...
personal prob mahs... i hope that i can put aside... but just cant... arggg i dunno why la... why am i so stubborn laaa... haix.. talk to him on phone for a while... although there a lot of thing to say.. but just dunno how to put it... really scare that i wll say the wrong thing... haix...den talk to him on msn... also dunno what to say...really very scare that i will say wrong thing...tt why... didnt talk much... how i wish everything could be just like the past... then can happy happy chat always... haix... just be it bahs... i also dunno what i want le... =(

xiaoojin... no matter how u feel now... just buried in ur mind... never say it out.... it will only make everything worst... haix...

gonna go bathe le... later got mood den blog again bahs...

really very very tired this whole week... has been rushing for all my assigment... everything due within this week and next week... WTH!!! somemore i am the type last minute den do de ppl... damn shagged lo... haix... not only that.. some more still got my personal prob that i still cant get over... make me more tired... really really....just handed in my SWEN Assignment and had my CMSK oral presentation rehearsal today... at least 2 task down... hmmm left with marketing assignment,SSSD assignment, SSSD Presentation, CMSK Presentation ... den i will just left with the main examination to go,...my body doesnt seem well these few day...eat only meal a day.. yet i dun feel hungry... haix... bad lifestyle...

hmm... think i should try to pick myself up le... although i still cant let go.. but think i had let the people around worry too long for me le... is enough le... i dun like ppl to worry for me... i wan them to be happy happy too... so... xiaoojin... jiayou mahs... always look on the bright side of life... still a long way to go... walk one step see one step... if something tt not meant for u... it will always not for u... force or sad also no use... nothing will ever change... i must learn to accept reality... no use avoiding... xiaoojin... faced it!!!!... but really... i still cant let go... haix... watever le... dun wanna think too much le... just keep me busy man!!! till that the moment i step into my house i will just fall to sleep... so that i wont even have the time to think...

damn it... having headace again... my gastric pain not yet gone.. now headache... rawr~ i really hate the life i am leading now... omgg