[exact from friendster]
nice one....

Jin and I are best frens..we do anythingthat best frens do together...One day, i realisedthat i actually fell forhim...so i decided to confess to himone nite where we camped with other frens. hereadily agreed to be my Boyfren...Soon we started doing the usual stuffs thatcouplesdo, watching movies, having strolls in park, eatingtogether, goingto the beach...but life was not as fun when we arestill best fren....we're not as close as we used tobe when we're still best frens...he doesnt tok muchor continued sharing his problems with mi...and soi tot he is not a suitable or loving boyfren...but iquietly kept this on my mind...But since the day he became my boyfren, i wouldalways recieve a small teddybear frm him... At first i thought it was lovely, butthen iwondered why he would give me this...One day, i was walking alone in the park we bothfrequent...Then isaw Jin together with another gal there..I creptnearthem softly overheard him saying "i love u' to thegurl. I was enraged that i run homeimmediately..Jin never said he love me all the whilewhen wer'e boyfren andgurlfren.Then at midnite one day, he came to myhouse and passed me anotherteddy bear that he used to give me everyday, thensaid "Sorry, i forgotten to giv this to youtoday." hispresence only made mi even more angry so ishouted at him, "Why u alwiz giv methis crap? All i wan to hear from u is, I love you,that's it, izit too hard???"Jin kept quiet. He took my hand and place theteddy bear on my palm and left..i threwthe teddy bear into my wardrobe.The next day, Jin asked me out. We met at ebus stop near my house...he handed mi a bigteddy bear but i threw the teddy to the middle ofthe road as i still couldnt get over e incident. Heremained quiet and went to pick up the teddy. Hedidnt realised a truck was coming towards him. Ishouted repeatedly to warn him but he just turnedback and smiled atme,and...........................*Bang*."JIN!!!!!!" I cried...the nex minute i know, he waslyingon the road, the teddy in his hands covered withblood. He was sent tothe hospital but in the end...i still losthim...i've losthim FOREVER...after attending his funeral, i went back homeand took out all the teddy bears he gav me sincethe day we bcame gfbf...i counted the teddies oneby one... 1...2....3...101...230....300..364...and thelast teddy bear he gave me covered with his bloodwas the 365th...it has alreadly been a year webcomebfgf...i squeezed the teddy as my tearsflowed....suddenly...*I love you~**I love you~*i was shocked..i looked at the teddies...tookone of it, and pressed its tummy..*I love you~*i tried each and every teddy he gav me...*I love you~**I love you~**I love you~**I love you~**I love you~**I love you~*......................and the biggest was the last teddy Jingav me, I squeezed his big tummy...*felicia, today is our very firstanniversary.....i hopeto love you,today, tommoro, the day afterand forever........I love you....*i dropped the teddy........ i never realised thatJin had actually told me those words..every singleday....till now... i slowly picked up the teddy andwhispered to the teddy's ear.."i love you too, Jin..and i always did........"

expressing them
*if u love someone
go for itcuz once love's gone
u'll never know when it's coming again
have the courage to tell him/her
u love him/her
don't be 'fraid of rejection
cuz that's wad love is all about
the difference betw expressing ur love
and having regrets is that
regrets will stay ard foRever
it's never too late to express them

*rejection*
it's not the end of the world
but a start of a new gir
lu manage to brave thru
and it's his loss he doesn't like u
cuz he shld be the one to grieve
of losing someone who love him
dis is wad love's all about
stop clinging on him
as he wun be touched by it
showed it to him u can
and u'll live thru ur life w/o him
cuz love's in the air
anD someone's out there who care*

iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!! iamhappy!!!!!

i am hallucinating myself yeahx? hahax... nevermind I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!

read his blog... well wat to say... happy for him? he found someone who he like le... i should feel happy for him right... but why am i crying inside...

suddenly realise that i am really a big stupid idiot... i didnt really treasure anyone that enter my life... i seem to take them for granted... i truly love those who i have been together with... but well but i dunno how to be with themm dunno how to treasure them and dunno how to feel wat they feel... perhaps i am just so cold blooded? or i am just an idiot... cant seems to find anymore words to fit myself in.... please... stop telling me how nice i am... i am not at all... u all dunno me... i not nice at all... i am mean, petty,cold blooded, idiot,silly,stupid,childish,lier,f*ucker, flirt and many many more... i act i love to act... i am a good actress.... no one see thru me right... that me... so just stay away from me... all of you just stay away... i dun wan to hurt myself, neither do i wan to hurt anyone else, maybe no one is hurt at all....only i am the ones hurting myself... i somehow feel i am always a sub somehow... that what i feel... i dunno... maybe i am wrong or maybe i am right... that only another party know...

pls ... come near me only when u truly wants to be my friend... dun just take me as a sub ... i dun wan to be any sub of anyone to fill any of u emptiness... i dun wan ... i am me myself... just treat me as me myself... no anyone else...

i start to grow myself a protective shield...i dun really wan anyone to come into the shield... if u ever enter... i will try to bite a u all... i mean it.... i dun mind being friend with you people... but pls dun enter my shield and hurt me... i mean it means i mean it...

and guys... please dun be so despo or wat... i cant find any word to fit in... my vocab are limited... sorry if i am mean in my words...but i cant help it....
so please...
dun ever say u love me when u dun love me,
dun ever say u love me when u just need someone to love u
dun ever say u love me when u just wan to find a sub of someone else
dun ever say u love me when u just wan find someone to fill your emptiness
dun ever say u love me when u just want love dun mind anything else
dun ever say u love me when u u are loving another one
dun ever say u love me when u are still thinking of someone else
dun ever say u love me when u intent to bluff me from the start
dun ever say u love me when u dont at all....
and dun ever talk abt feeling when there isnt any

i dun ask for much.... just someone who truly loves me... but that seems hard...
nvm... i already prepare for the worst... the most i go be nun?? hahax...

i will cont my acting?? i am cheerful i am happy and i not sad at all... i am going to hallucinate all of you all... so that i can cont my acting... hahax... rem i am not sad at all... so pls dun give me those weird weird look or ask me anything... i lost my memory already... =)

and pls dun anyhow guess whoever he is i am mentioning... haha... u all won get the correct ans de... even u got it u also wont know... so please stop guessing.... u all might be wrong...

well.... i shall stop my somehow... abit sad sad de entries?? haha... watever sad or happyx... whos care~~~ whahaaaaa ~~

conclusion... i am mad... stay away from me!!!!!!!!!!

what a bored day today.... have been waiting the whole day for ppl to online to talk to me... waste my whole day waiting lor... haix... thank goodness there is jasper... ha has been smsing now and then since morning... haha it was his sms that wake me up... wahaha... ok la... that sweet of him to send me good night and morning msg now and then... and thank for his sms today to ease my loneliness.... hahax... thanks ah... *hugZ*

well just to inform u all that I am CHILDISH ok? having all these god daddy and kor is childish~ well watever... it might not seem to some of you... but definely someone else think is childish!... but whos care... i like it can le... watever u say i am just childish.... and i am just so petty... lalalala~~ dun like it can dun talk to me... no one will force u to!!!!!!!!

gosh....did i say it a little bit too much? but who cares ah.... lalala... i am living in my own world no one is allow to step in !!! it is a WARNING!!!!!!!

1ST LADI-Never Be Replaced

[Chorus]
Baby I love you and i'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erase
And i promise you that you will never be replaced
Baby I love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erase
And i promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you yes i do
I'll be with you as long as you want me too
Until the end of time
From the day I met you I know we've be together
And now I know I wanna be with you forever
I wanna marry you and i wanna have your kids
Thinking never compare to feel enough to kisses
I can say i'm truly happy to the same
You've made me think I'll die and live my life hesitate
There's never been no doubt in my mind
That i'll regret ever having you by my side
But if the day come that i'll have to let you go
I think that something I should probadly let you know
With everything that i spent with you
Then i will miss you cuz i'm happy that i have you at all
[Repeat Chorus]

I feel for you yes i do
I'll be with you as long as you want me to
Until the end of time

Darius Danesh- Live Twice

Don't leave now
Not yet
There are words I
Regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

When you told me
I froze
It still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye I don't understand

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice

I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice

another day wasted in front on my com... did nothing just sitting in front of the com playing majong... i am starting to learn how to play it... haha keep losing... well think that the only thing that keeps me happy? hahax...

i somehow still feel abit hurt... esp when i saw u online.... haix... suddenly realise that i will never be the one u will miss... somehow in ur mind... ur exx still hold the most impt position yeahx? u still like her the most...... irreplacable yeah? wat nonsense am i writting la... u wont be possible looking at it too... silly me... haix...

" A great love is when you shed tears and you still care for him, it's when he ignores you and you still long for him. It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile and say I'm happy for you"

well.... it has been days since i last blog... excatly 5 days.... so i shall have some crap before u guys really think i deserted this blog.... hahax...

ok...i shall write a happy entries today??? hmmx... actually i am being ask by someone ... nonon... is FORCE by someone to enter a happyx entries .... hahax... well... by whos cares... this is my own world... i gonna write watever i wan... no ones gonna control me... =)

well for the past few weeks...or rather for a months... i kinda lost count of it... the world was just like a hell to me... hell.... completely hell to me... i was like a lost soul in the hell been torture... but them after sometimes i feel rather numb.... haix... from the past 2 or ... hmmm rather 3 experiences ah... i learn alot... ... haha i will try to change into a better one.... =)

well... i am trying to climb back to the earth... in the process now... so please dun come give me a foot or wat de.... i will scream at you all hor.... past is past le... i dun wan to go back to the past.... is no use de.... hahax.... i rather wait for the future to come... yeahx?=) .... i will let go of the past but hold on to the memory... i dun wan have "shi yi zheng" ah.... hahax.... ok la... jsut warn you all.... dun give me a foot.... i will pull you all down with me de!!!!!!!!!!!.... muhahahaaaa!!!!!!!!

how should i feel now?
sad?
hurt?
angry?
happy?
i dunno.... i am quite numb already...
i once dreamt of myself appear in a fairy tales story... there i live in a big beautiful castle with no worry no war... just full for love care peace....there i met my prince... the only one for me... he was always by my side... no matter rain or shine... whenever i need him... he would always appear...
i always holdto this hope... hoping one day i really will meet one.... but now i realise it is just a dream... a fairy tale....it will not happen in the real life... no.... no one will be able to stay by another side for a life time...no... not every one will have a happy ending right....

i am desperatly in need of someone to talk to... i realise there is no one i can turn to... notfamily members... they are all so busy with their own stuff...not friend either... there is no one i can talk to....no one... they are all so so busy.... so busy.... the only soul that i can find is myself.... i can only talk to myself.........

i lost the attention i wanted for a very long time... i try to find it back... i try all my mights... i cry i act funny, i do all sort of thing... wat did i get in return? a few sec of attention only... and back to normal again.... i am always alone... i need some one to give me attention... someone to care too... but i jusst cant find it... in return.. is just that i am being unreasonable or wat de...
dunno from when start... i start to like to shop alone... i like the feeling of being alone... but i still hoping for the attention i wan... i try all my might to fight for the attention i wan.... but i lost the war ... completely.... i give up.... i give up everything le.... i am numb already... i am tired already... i dun ever wan attention anymore... wat for... is just a stupid damn hell thing... i can live without it... i am hurt enough from my previous trying... i dun wan to try anymore....

im ok with it... i dun need anyone to pity about me ... i dun need any attention....i try to get it before... but what i get in the end is just me being hurt...

i dun need promises too... all those promises i get is just all lies... i pin so much hope in those promises... and in the end i get nothing to... i am just being naive...

i got nothing much to say anymore... whatever i say make no difference anymore... even isay i really dun mind u being busy... got wat use... over is over le....


Never say I love you
If you don't really care
Never talk of feelings
If they aren't really there
Never hold my hand
If you mean to break my heart
Never say forever
If you ever plan to part
Never look into my eyes
If you are telling me a lie
Never say hello
If you think you'll say goodbye
Never say that I'm THE one
If you dream of more than me
Never lock up my heart
If you don't have the key ....

i dunno what to say... really...

i lost the power to control my tears from dropping...
maybe seperate is the best choice ....
i dunno....
i startin to get numb le... no feeling .... i am not thinking well...
i have been saying thing that are not suppose to be said....
well but i lost the contol of my lanuagae too....
i am not thinking enough....
my heart seem to like a shattered mirror... no any extra glue super glue can glued it back....
wat to say.... nothing at all
cry perhaps is the best medicine to me now....
u wont ever know how i am feeling now...
it might appear to u that i dun treat it as anything
appear to u that i had never like u before...
but u r wrong...
but nothing matters now....
i just need a shoulder to cry on....
all i could do nowsaday is just to hide in my room and cry
and the next morning i had to act like a clown....
i an fine... i dun need anyone to worry abt me...
and i dun wan....
i wan to solve it all and for once....
but just to say... are u really tt busy
a simple phone call every day will make me happy...
really... but u cant... right...
u wan more time...
i am not god...
i cannot give u more time
the least i can do is just to let u have all ur time
fair right...

童话里都是骗人的,你不可能是我的王子.你不可能变成童话里,我爱的那个天使....

why must it always end up like this... i hate it....

童话歌手:光良 专辑:童话

忘了有多久
再没听到你对我说
你最爱的故事
我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

-Viewing-
Encoding: Unicode

i am just living in my own world... my own castle with only me my myself and me... no one else is allowed in here... NO ONE.... i dun need any attention at all... dun need.... wat for i keep wantin for it but in the end nothing comes to me... so i dun wan anymore... it just let me have a very high hope but in the end allow me drop from very high place.... i have enough of these thing le...

money not impt and u wan more time right... i shall grant u... i have enough of these le... i know i am unreasonable, stupid or watever... but i have grow like tt... i have already gone thru once... is enough already... but u make it twice... nevermind....... ...

promises all these stuff i dun ever believe in anymore... no more...

as usual a bored day for me... wake up at about 10... still sleepy though den eat a curry puff... tot of going back to sleep de... haha but in the end never lo... den go online until now.... so bored... nothing to do lei... online chat also chat until sian le... hahax... bored... ayai... forget to see my la pi xiao xin today.... hmm... nvm... haha know quite a lot of ppl today... though some quite weird la... hahax... den saw smthing not meant for my eyes de... hmph!!! must go wash wash le... haha at least still got one ok ok de... but hor... hahax... nvm... his attitude abit weird la... haha,,, okie la... bored ah...mum's went to eat dinner le... big feast wor... me lei... a home drink porridge... haha poor right... heex... nvm la... can lose weight mahx... hahx... good... yawn so sianx... aRgGGg... anything for me to do??? -__________________-"""""

只能抱着你
曲：瑞业 词：光良 编：
好想这样抱着你 我知道你有些在意
给他伤了心 才想到可以找你
好想这样抱着你 我知道你现在伤心
想有人陪你 只是如此而已
*
你知道 我明了
抱着你 我(你)的泪 却为他而掉
你知道 我明了
抱着你 温习拥抱
你知道 我明了
抱着你 我的心有些动摇
你有的好 他做不到(他有的好 我做不到)
还想他(也许他) 可能等我回家(等你回家)
在我们(你们)相识的楼下
还想他(也许他)可能拨我电话(拨你电话)留话
还爱他(你爱他)
我从没怀疑过(没怀疑过) 今晚心底的挣扎
我不说你明白吗?*
只能这样抱着 你我知道你有些在意
给他伤了心 才想到可以找你
只能这样抱着你 我知道你现在伤心想有人陪你 只是如此而已
(repeat *)

Encoding- Unicode

i am hurt...
u have hurt me totally...
i know i am unreasonable
not understanding
so that my fault la....
ok everything is my fault... just my fault...
my fault for not being resonable and understandimd and showing attitude..
well... i got nothing to say then...
wat planned a long time ago...
am i such a ger... why cant u trust me...
if i plan it earlier... wat for i bother to quarrel with you la... is just a wast of my time
wat for i bother if u cont smoke or wat... wat for i bother if u cut down ur smoking... if i planned it earlier... i shouldnt have bother abt it at ALL!!!! and now wat ... say i giving u attitude la... i cannot understand la... wat for i bother so much for u and yet in the end get all these... i know u are being honest by telling me all these... but i just dun understand why u guys smoke~~ i just hate ppl who smoke~!!!! they are all so inconsiderate to themself and the people around them lo~~~ ARggGGG.... i just hate it lo... is also bad for health lo... ask u cut down... and yet u say i give u attitude... well fine.... smoke all u wan... i dun care le...
i dun care anymore....
u r the one who start mentioning it first de...
and yet u wan be to speak it out
wat de hell is that la...
push me to be bad ppl la
watever it is la~~~
wat the fcuk lo... my fault my fault... ok?
everything is my fault
i have hurt u
and me myself is so happy!!!!
is that wat u think
well... fine...
shouldnt have started at all mahx...
y must i get myself invovled in all these
all these stupid nonsense...
y must i bother abt u...
sux la....