i am feeling worst.... not getting better at all... 3 days le... still the same... my gastric 还是不听话。 dun really know wat to do... -sigh- no appetite these few day also... yet i dun really feel hungry.. maybe because my gastric pain till i numb le... also cant feel that i am hungry... didnt go to see any doctor... i also dunno why...maybe just feel that physically pain might at least make my emotional pain lesser a bit... silly thinkin right.. wat do i... i am just like tt... like wat my friend say... is my own body... i dun wan take care... other ppl also cant do anything... didnt really sleep well these few days also... i seldom will have sleepless night... the last time i had is when des got into trouble... now is the 2nd time... wth...why.., can he just make me so lost my mind... xiaoojin.. pls let go everything... pls.. dun make urself so miserable... pls... wake up very early in the morning le.. the moment i wake up, i think of him again... have the urge to msg him, but hold back... already told myself to give up... but just dunno why just cant...why am i so stupid and silly...why.. who can tell me wat to do?? really wan to msg him and ask 这几天， 你有想过我吗 ? 我生病了， 你担心过吗? 如果我发生了什么事，你会担心吗?你会伤心吗 ? really wanna ask... but i didnt have the courage... and if i ask.. is like forcing him to answer like that... so i choose to hold it back... i really dunno how long i can take it... these 3 days... already didnt eat much thing... my mum just give me a plate of kiwi... cause she scare that if i didnt eat anything... dunno wat will happen... so i just have to eat it... so not to let her worry... just finish it... and now i have the urge to vomit again.... haix... i really dunno what to do le... can someone just help me... i dun like it... i wan to rely on him... but it seems impossible ... dun wan to create more trouble forhim also le... enough prob for him.. ... ...

my only support now is des... but... he is not by my side... can time faster pass?? pls... i really dunno what to do now... and i dunno what i might do ... just give me up... anyone everyone jsut give me up...